In about three weeks I'm going to experience something that I've not experienced before.  I'm going to be left behind.  I've always been the one who's left places and moved on ... until now. 



The vast majority of my yeargroup at college are leaving to be ordained, and I won't be one of them, because I'm staying for a third year.  Among this bunch of people are some dear friends who I've laughed, chatted, prayed with, and in one case walked to and from college with.  They're little things, but they have been an important part of what has made my college life so rich in the last 18 months or so.  In 3 weeks they'll be gone.  I'll be left behind.

It's not that I mind staying at college for another year - I always knew I would and I'm profoundly grateful that I am - but it won't make saying "goodbye" any easier, because the fact is that they're going on to other new, exciting things - and I won't be.  I've never been left behind before and I know it's going to hurt. 

On the up side, I do adjust to change quickly and I'm grateful that I've begun to form some good friendships among those who aren't leaving this summer, so the pain will ease once I've said actually said "goodbye" - and I also have Liz who offers me great stability, even though everything else may change in my life.  But I will still look forward to the farewell moment with an increasing sense of dread as everyone else's "last things" tick by. 

On reflection though, I imagine that it'll be a good experience for me to go through so that, when more difficult experiences of being left behind, such as bereavement, etc. hit me, I'll be that bit better placed to know what it feels like to say "goodbye" and not be the one leaving.  It is also of great comfort to know that in some senses I'll never be completely left behind, because God has promised that he will never leave me or forsake me - and I know he keeps his promises.