At the bright and slowly becoming not quite so young age of 23, I am a your typical female. I hope that one day I’ll meet a good, chivalrous man, settle down, get married and have your average 2.5 kids….and yet as much as I want that, there is a part of me that is deathly afraid of it.

I’m usually quite straightforward, logical and dare I say masculine in my approach to many things. Predominantly I see it in my relationships, particularly my romantic ones. Don’t get me wrong I still love my high heeled shoes, my beautiful long ball gowns and the pleasure that comes from receiving true chivalry.

But in terms of receiving real love, the kind you would build solid foundations with I am, for the large part, terrified. As for the kind of love which displays itself in dramatic emotions, sentimental promises, tearful declarations and mushy affection, it not only leaves me genuinely skeptical but more than often it frightens me into catching the nearest and fastest mode of transport out of town.
And so what do I do about it…recently a non- Christian friend recently asked me does it  have to be this hard (for me)? The odd thing was I didn’t consider my particular situation hard. And even now my only answer to her question if to say this… Who ever said Love was easy? Where was this myth perpetuated? (presuming one considers it a myth)

And all of this elicited in response to The Boy’s mistake - Not a total catastrophe but a hurtful and pretty stupid mistake nevertheless. Gratefully I have found such peace in simply being a Christian (I’m relatively new). In being able to ask for God’s help and guidance as to the correct course of action, and overall handing over the burden to Him is fantastic.

I often wondered why things with The Boy were/are so slow in developing … And now with hindsight I find (to quote another wise Al member) that it is sometimes necessary to trust that God is taking us round the long way for a reason. And in those times we have a choice; to trust... or to not. And it is a choice, but it's one that by trusting we're opening a door to let Jesus into the situation to help us through it, or we can shut him out and go it alone.
And so I choose to stay, to forgive, to trust, and to learn to love. To give it,  receive it, and most of all not be afraid of it. Scary.


Oddly this is the first time I've actually made the active choice of staying rather than remaining because I felt trapped. And even though I know its not going to be easy its remarkable how good and powerful it feels to own your choices.


Even more awe inspiring to know that He is the one that helped you make the right one in the first place.