I've never been a good thief. I tried to steal Pacman money from the till of my parents' cafe in the 80's, only to 'fess up before even making out the door.

In keeping with my policy of confessing at the first sign of pressure, on behalf of all Australia, I'd like to acknowledge that many of our "celebrities" are actually not ours at all.

This latest pang of guilt emerged when I learnt that our Nicole was set to marry country music star Kieth Urban. Like all good Aussie musicians, he was born in New Zealand.

One look at the Socceroos will also give you a hint. Not a Smith or Jones in sight, much less a Wondobollowarra or the like. Plenty of Slavic and Mediterranean names though.
It gets worse with music and movies. In addition to our Nicole's fiance Keith Urban (NZ), we also have Mel Gibson (USA), Russell Crowe (NZ), Gordon Chater (USA), Guy Pearce (UK), Naomi Watts (UK), Jimmy Barnes (Scotland), John Farnham (UK), the Finn brothers (NZ), Sam Neill (Nth Ireland). Probably most of the rest flew in also.

So, there you have it. Next time you feel all patriotic that Nicole has replaced that short couch-leaping retard for a good local boy, just keep in mind that he's been poached too.

Incidentally, our Nicole was born in Hawaii, USA.