when you give everything away, there's nothing left in reserve.

there really isn't

i've reached meltdown.

the thing is, it's unhealthy. funny that.

but when i'm on empty and then accept some attention from a guy ... i lean so far over they have to catch me or walk away. and it's so unfair on them. so i pretty much never do.

until recently. and then i ran away.

i always run away.

so, i need to get healthy.

what is healthy?

who am i?

i dunno.

i know who i am when i'm away from home. then i go home and it all gets muddy, so muddy it hurts.

it doesn't make sense though. surely you're supposed to be most yourself at home? know who you are at home? family should know who you are?

it's the opposite for me. my friends know my substance, my family know my skeleton.