The recent success of New Zealand in the cricket World Cup (hey we beat England, Kenya and, um, Canada) has meant I have had to field a lot more cricket related discussions within the office. Now I am not anti-cricket by any means, and I do follow it in a vagaue who-have-we-beaten-recently-so-I-can- mock-them-about-it sort of way. The problem is that my office is full of incredibly serious, Wisden-subscribing criket types. So I have had to lift my cricket in cricket-speak, so to speak. And since I believe in sharing, here are my top three tips for talking about cricket (or indeed any sport) and sounding like you know what you're talking about:

1) Call them your boys - Never refer to your team by its name. Instead talk about "the boys". For example, "The boys have done me proud" or, alternatively, "I'm very disappointed in the boys this week". Not only does this mean you don't actually have to know what team you are talking about (and thus helping you avoid getting their name wrong) but it also suggests a degree of familiarity, like you are a long time supporter who feels a part of the team. Possibly doesn't work so well if people are talking about netball but then I've never met anyone who does so a safe bet in my books.

2) Compare them to the French rugby team - All I know about the French rugby team is that sometimes they play well and sometimes they play badly. This makes them the perfect team to compare them to. If the conversation suggests that your team is doing well you simply say "they're like the French rugby team in a way, when they play well they really play well". But if you get the hint you're team is doing badly you say the same, except finish with "sometimes they just aren't on the field". Plus you get added bonus points for knowing so much about rugby and for the cross-code comparison. May not work so much for discussions about football, but no one talks to a New Zealander about football.

3) Pick an enemy - At its heart, sport is about finding another nation that you don't really like and stomping all over them. Any true sports fan has that country that they always want to beat. You have to know this, any discussion about a sports tournament lacks conviction unless you are able to put your hand on your heart and say, with an edge to your voice, "just so long as we beat [blank]". As a Kiwi it is quite simple. "Just so long as we beat Australia". Simple, easy to understand and normally gains a lot of sympathy. Other countries have it easy to. From Scotland, easy "just so long as we beat England". Wales? "England". Ireland? "England" Australia? Well, "England". England? Well, depends on the code. Normally you'd go for the French but in terms of cricket my I suggest... Australia.