Walk with me

last week i was heading out to a friends house and i was all ready to go when all of a sudden my stomach went into a spasm. i stopped in my tracks and thought about whether i needed to stay home in case a Crohn's attack was about to start.

i decided to keep going.

as i was waiting for the DLR the spasm came back again, alarm bells went off, my body was warning me i was going into a full on Crohn's attack. Jesus says never to be mastered by anything, so i decided to still get on the DLR because i should never let the fear of a Crohn's attack stop me from living my life. So i got on the DLR.

as the doors shut, as if by magical command, i went into a full fledged Crohn's attack. In a Crohn's attack the muscles of your intestines (and sometimes stomach) go into spasm and severe cramping. I can not even begin to explain how painful it is. You start to hyperventilate, shake, loose sensation in your legs and feel very nauseous. And to make matters worse - there is NOTHING you can do. You just have to wait.

i got off at the next stop and thought i would just speed walk home and everything would be ok, but it wasn't. Tying to walk when your body is failing you is a massive task, one that i was not capable of doing. I just wanted to be home. In my house. In my room. But i was no where near home, no where near pain killers, no where near safety. I thought i was going to collapse on the road. I was going through utter hell all on my own. There was no way i was going to make it home, NO WAY. I had almost given up hope, i was about to admit defeat and just faint and let myself hit the ground and hope that someone would find me until i felt the Lord Challenge me.

"why don't you pray?"  I felt the Spirit speak to me. so i thought i would phone my friend and ask her to pray for me. "NO. why don't YOU pray?", the Lord rebuked me.