I thought that I would post another blog as it's been a while since my last one. The last few weeks I have really grown up in many ways. I was just thinking last night how alone I had felt lately with Nick going missing - my little brother who I love so much and who I just wanted back home with Rachel and to be safe and well - and following on from my parents' difficulties, how bad things seemed to be really happening to my family this year. Then it suddenly dawned on me how much I depend on God for everything, literally and that without Him, I am useless, but with Him I am complete. I really feel this and I also realised last night that he is all I need and because of this, I feel a real sense of both peace and joy.

And as I was reflecting on this last night laying in bed, God brought me back to a story that I have been given before, from 2 Chronicles 20. It shows the utter greatness of God, his hugeness and obvious command of the world, and what we are required to do as his children. In the chapter, Jehoshaphat is told of the forthcoming battle in which it's almost certain that he and his army will be killed by the sheer, overwhelming numbers of the opposition. And so, as a group, they enter the temple and even though they are feeling completely overwhelmed physically, they say (in verse 12), ‘we do not know what to do but our eyes are upon thee'. Then, the Holy Spirit suddenly comes upon a man who prophesised (in verse 15) that they need not fear or be dismayed at these great numbers against them because - this is the absolute key - the battle is not theirs to be fought but instead God's. They are told (in verse 17) that they need not do anything, needing not to fight in the battle, but instead to take their position, stand still and see the victory of the Lord on their behalf. ‘Fear not, be not dismayed, tomorrow go out against them and the Lord will be with you.'

And so they arise at dawn the next day and begin to sing songs of worship, praising God as they wait. And as soon as they begin to sing, the Lord steps in and kills the enemy, with none escaping, and leaving Jehoshaphat and his men with such a plentiful amount of bounty that it takes three days for them to collect it.

And it reinforced to me just how simple life is when we abide by this principle and how we overly complicate it when we forget about it, allowing ourselves to be caught up by stuff that really doesn't matter at all. All life is about really is worshipping God, resting in the love that comes from this, and having this act as a rock for everything that we do in life. In truth, with His help, finding a soulmate to love and to be loved back, loving our family and friends also, illuminating in a very small way the love of Christ and showing the world on a daily basis what He does for us. As we do this, we begin to bathe in a sense of real joyfulness with things no longer pulling at us or ridding us of our peace but instead, driving us to pray, interceding for a person or a situation, to love that person with every inch of our being, but just being able to be, rooted in Christ.

Perhaps then, Jehoshaphat's story represents all our stories in a way because without God in our life, fighting our battles for us, we would be thoroughly adrift. But as it is, this realisation that the victory is ours is enough to drive us back to where we are meant to be, in His arms. And I think back to when I was a young child, struck down by Stills Disease and told that I would never walk again, how through sustained prayer and faithfulness by my parents, God healed me and gave my parents new hope and me a future. I don't think back to that time much, partly because I can't remember it that well, but it was a time when God did something miraculous in my life.

And everything that has happened to me lately has been similar in a way, bringing me back to God a little humbler, a little more weary of what I can really do out of my own strength, and making me realise that the simple (daily) prayer should just be: ‘Lord, give me more of you. Do whatever with me. Take me wherever. But Abba, father, more than anything, please just be my rock and my strength and let me not be fearful when I enter new territory but instead flood my heart, mind and soul with your peace.'

Because when we walk into unfamiliar territory, as I have done lately with Nick and before with my parents, we often become fearful and insecure; perhaps our lives have grown familiar and developed into a pattern that is too comfortable and suddenly something happens that throws us off-course and we immediately become anxious, worried or fretful. But perhaps God needs such events to drive us back into His presence and to bring to pass through such a process words that we have previously sung, prayers we have previously prayed, or conversations that we have previously had with Him, where we have given Him everything - laid everything down - and He then takes these words and prayers and answers them.

Does this make any sense? I am kind of thinking out loud here but I guess, it's about trusting in God and in His ability to redeem us, and to make life what it is when perhaps in believing in Him we have no obvious reason to believe, hoping in Him when we have no reason to hope. It says in Isaiah 41, ‘fear not, for I am with you. Be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. I will help you. I will uphold you with my victorious right hand.' And when I say such a prayer, peace floods into my heart and I am able to rest as God is in control.