The acceptance sketch

The sketch is a reworked version of a Monty Python classic. I re-wrote it as a short sketch to perform before a pastorate talk that I was giving on Christian community to show how much we all want to be loved and accepted for who we truly are, to come home in a way, but how in reality, this is often so difficult to achieve outside our family, close friends and Christian community.   

Jono: Good morning, I'd like to be accepted for who I am please.
Kevin: Good grief man! Are you on drugs? That’s a new one on us!!! Have you ever been here before?
Jono: No, this is my first time.
Kevin: Yes, it clearly shows. Let’s see, well who's free at the moment. Mr Smith, ooh no, you don’t want him now. He’s free but oooh no, not very good. Now, Mr Jones, well he’s also free but oh deary me, you wouldn’t want him either. Oh, yes, Mr Taylor, he’s free. If you like, you could see him, he’s a very nice man and just right for accepting someone. Room 12.
Jono: Thank you.

He enters room 10 by mistake and sees a man sitting behind a desk.

Rich: WHADDAYOU WANT? (shouting)
Jono: Well, well, I was told outside that...
Rich: Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings!
Jono: What?
Rich: Shut your festering gob, you idiot of a brain-dead Yorkshireman! Your type makes me puke! You vacuous stuffy-nosed saliva-dropping pervert!!!
Jono: What???!!! (looking most upset now)
Rich: You come in here, dressed like a man from 1976 who woke up one morning on LSD and half blind and with an over-bearing mother who insists that Primark is trendy and you dare to speak to me?
Jono: But I came here to be accepted.
Rich: OH! Oh! I'm so, so sorry! (sounding like Nicky Gumbel) This is the abuse room!
Jono: Oh! Oh, oh, oh, I see!
Rich: Aha! No, you want room 12, next door.
Jono: Oh... sorry...
Rich: Not at all!
Rich: (under his breath) stupid git.

The man goes into room 11. A smart gentleman is sitting behind a desk.

Jono: Is this the right room to be accepted?
Toby:(pauses for a few seconds) I've told you once.
Jono: No you haven't!
Toby: Yes I have.
Jono: When?
Toby: Just now.
Jono: No you didn't!
Toby: Yes I did!
Jono: You didn't!
Toby: I did!
Jono: You didn't!
Toby: I'm telling you, I did!
Jono: You didn't!
Toby: (breaking into the developing argument) Oh I'm sorry, is this a five minute argument, or the full half hour?
Jono: What???!!!.
Toby: Just the five minutes or the full half–hour of arguing?
Jono: I just want to be accepted, is that so hard???!!!!
Toby: Now let's get one thing perfectly clear: I most definitely told you at the beginning… and anyway, this is the argument room!
Jono: Oh no you didn't!
Toby: Oh yes I did!
Jono: Oh no you didn't!
Toby: Oh yes I did!
Jono: Oh look, this is silly, all I want is to be accepted!
(pause)
Toby: Room 12, next door, this is room 11, the argument room!

The man goes into room 12. Another gentleman is sitting behind a desk.

Jono: Hello (looking very afraid), is THIS the room where I can be accepted?
Ben: Come here my friend (and gives Jono a HUGE hug!). Welcome home!