This is very funny yet so true!


Scientific Jargon
by Dyrk Schingman, Oregon State University After several years of studying and hard work, I have finally learned scientific jargon. The following list of phrases and their definitions will help you to understand that mysterious language of science and medicine.
IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN
     I didn't look up the original reference.
 
A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT
     These data are practically meaningless.
 
WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS
     An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
 
THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY
     The other results didn't make any sense.
 
TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN
     This is the prettiest graph.
 
THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT
     I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
 
THE MOST RELIABLE RESULTS ARE OBTAINED BY JONES
     He was my graduate student; his grade depended on this.
 
IN MY EXPERINCE
     once
 
IN CASE AFTER CASE
     Twice
 
IN A SERIES OF CASES
     Thrice
 
IT IS BELIEVED THAT
     I think.
 
IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT
     A couple of other guys think so too.
 
CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE
     Wrong.
 
ACCORDING TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS
     Rumor has it.
 
A STATISTICALLY ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS
     A wild guess.
 
A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA
     Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer.
 
IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS
PHENOMENA OCCURS
     I don't understand it.
 
AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES
     They don't understand it either.
 
THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO ANDREA SCHAEFFER FOR
VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS
     Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Shaeffer explained to me what it meant.
 
A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY
     A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
 
IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD
     I quit.
 
This may be used or broadcast in any form as long as I receive credit.
http://www.unc.edu/~johnhipp/ jargon.html