Oh, how things get blown out of proportion...

I left my house in London for the airport at 6 AM, GMT Thursday, 12 June 2008. I landed in Fayetteville, Arkansas at 10 PM, CST Friday, 13 June 2008. My luggage landed in Wichita, Kansas at 2 AM Saturday, 14 June 2008. See where this is going?

When you’re sleep-deprived, dehydrated and bemoaning bruised abs, the world seems bleak and it feels like God hates you (even if you know better). Inside my head is a drama queen. Thursday night when I landed in Chicago after having only 4 hours of sleep in about 48 hours and found out my flight to Wichita was cancelled, the drama queen about had a meltdown. I was rebooked on a flight for the next night and my brother generously put me in a hotel.

It was a good thing the drama queen was well-rested and had showered or she would never have coped when her flight was cancelled AGAIN. I wanted to throttle the lady at the desk when she told me the next available flight to Wichita was 24 hours later (WTF!?!), but I held it together and calmly asked...

“Can I get on the flight to Fayetteville?”

“You want to go to Fayetteville?”

“Yes. I’m supposed to be there anyway.”

I was rebooked and walked straight onto the plane. Good-bye luggage and tea, hello Arkansas.

My brother and brother-in-law picked me up and whisked me away to Wal-Mart to gather a clearance rack wardrobe for the next three days.

The family (31 people) spread themselves out between four houses within a 10-mile radius of each other. No one knew I was in town on Friday night.

Aunt: “What’s Jennifer doing? Where is she?”

Brother: “You know what, if Jennifer doesn’t have the decency to show up, I don’t want to talk about her. She’s on my sh** list.”

My dad cussed (the happy, confused, slightly tipsy cussing) and the aunts screamed. Everyone was glad to see me and enjoyed hearing the choking story over and over again.

The weekend was the normal chaos. We ate, swam, bummed around the houses and went canoeing. The women folk played a violent game of spoons and did the Mai Tai cackle (there were tears, blood shed, aunts throwing punches and cousins tackled; I won) while the guys played poker, drank beer and talked trash.

I maintained my reputation as the sober family nun.

Cousin: “Jennifer, are you drunk?”

Me: “No, I’ve only had one drink and remain perfectly capable of being this idiotic sober.” You would think for as long as they’ve known me, they would remember this about me.

My uncle was giving one of my cousins grieve for getting caught in a rather embarrassing situation with her boyfriend (oh so naughty). My celibacy gets brought up every year, too.

Uncle: “You know Jennifer has never done that with a boy on a ‘camping’ trip.”

Me: “Yeah, sure, rub it in.”

I rejoined my luggage and tea bags several days later. I’ve been sleeping a lot. I have a fair amount of stuff to sort out now that I’m home. Oh boy.

A quick update on my uncle…my grandma called my mom in happy tears, he moved his leg. He’s been transferred to a rehabilitation hospital. It's still a long road ahead, but amazingly each day he’s taking tiny steps forward. Your prayers are so appreciated. I’m hoping to make a trip to Utah this summer to see him.