"I worry,
I weigh three times my body,
I worry,
I throw fear around

But this morning
There's a calm I can't explain
Rock Candy's melted
Only diamonds now remain

… And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will pay no mind
When it won't, ‘cos it can't
It just can't
It's not supposed to…

Was there a second of time I looked around?
Did I sail through or drop my anchor down?
Was anything enough to kiss the ground
And say I'm here now?
And she is here now…

…And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
That it won't and it won't and it won't
And I will pay no mind
Worried bout no rainy weather
And I will waste no time
Remaining in our life together…"

Leaving was tough. I don't think I expected it to be quite this difficult. I'm a seasoned traveler. I move; that's the story of my life. And historically London hasn't been my favorite place. I remember walking through the rain and darkness of the winter of my first year, buoyed up by the thought that sometime I would leave this city FOREVER, and never come back.
I remember confidently stating in my second year that I would never come to love London. It just wouldn't happen. My heart was in Asia.

And then, somehow, things got complicated.

People and experiences are what make cities special places; and me and London have been through a lot. It's like that line in Beautiful Day by U2:

“You love this town / Even if that doesn't ring true / you've been all over it / and it's been all over you�

And it has. London has become my city, just like Hong Kong. And there's the tension. Leaving was bittersweet:

I stood at a window in Adesola's mother's flat in Harrow and Wealdstone just a few hours ago, and gazed out at the brightness of the blue sky, the scudding clouds, and thought back over the years that have been.
Adesola and her mother have been so good to me. They've been there, especially over the past month or so when I've really needed support, prayer, a place to crash…
I was going to miss them. Them and so many others. Them and this city that once seemed so strange to me.

But I also thought about what was to come. It is, strangely, the right time to move. Things have all tied themselves up in London, and that part of me that likes to move is stirring again. But its something else… there's just a sense, probably God-given, that this is the right thing to do right now.

“but this morning / there's a calm I can't explain / the rock candy's melted / only diamonds now remain�

Anticipation is building under the sorrow: Hong Kong. My friends there, my family there, the sights, the smells; the future!
At the same time, I don't quite know what is waiting for me in Hong Kong. It's different every time I return. I change. The city changes…

But in a sense the change is familiar now. Its been said that we must change to stay the same. The rhythm of packing, leaving, arriving at the airport. Taxi, take off, and soaring out over the twinkling orange lights of the city has happened so many times that it feels like home.

I left Adesola's house with my guitar slung across my back, my leather bag across one shoulder, and my suitcase rolling behind me. The wind gusted through my hair, guiding my eyes to the sky… luminescent blue patterned with fleecy cloud… and I could feel the journey beginning again.
I was home… in some strange sort of way.
And a smile spread across my lips as my soul felt, suddenly, lighter.

But this departure has been one of tension. Sorrow, Anticipation; Hope, Uncertainty; Closure, foreshadowing.

And here I sit. The plane is dark around me as my fellow passengers sleep. Somewhere below me is Mongolia. Light seeps from behind the closed windowblinds.
I can still feel the two sets of feelings strongly within me. And, I feel compelled to say, both are good. Both are right.

And I'm happy, in a strange, complicated way.
God is in control… if anything is certain, that is.

But since Hong Kong is still to come, and I'm not sure what I will find… I think I should spend this time looking back at London. What it's been to me, what it's become… especially recently. I need to do this. To finish the chapter.

This year particularly God has blessed me with some truly awesome friends. I'm not going to list, because everyone who I've been in contact with this year, you all know who you are, have been precious and have helped make this year special. The more diffuse friendships, the light touches upon my life have been just as important as the strong friendships that have heavily impacted my life; Like how different brush-strokes make a picture truly beautiful.

I haven't been particularly good at keeping up with the blogging recently, and so when I sift back through my memory looking for the highlights I feel overwhelmed. Even if I tighten the focus and restrict myself to only recent events, there are too many to describe in a single blog entry.

Coffee in South Kensington with Joel and Tina
Christina's parent's house for her birthday
Home group at Jen's
The exam period; and that blissful release of feeling when they were finally ALL over
Besom with the water bombs
Luv Esther and the hang out afterwards
Kensington Gardens - the sunshine, and the rain
Telling Tina I liked her (a first for me), and dinner afterwards at Chez Manny
Packing the flat, cleaning with Jen Devaro
Battlestar Galactica with Jen
My Midlife Crisis:
And the talks with Jamie Haith,
And the Sunday at Tina's Parents; the conversation with her father
And meeting James Featherby
Getting up early to watch the All Blacks
The Moon is Round…
Adesola being a legend after our rather rough re-entry in to London after the Euro-trip
Graduation
Nose Tag
Jen's leaving party
Tequila shots with Joel and Tina
Home Focus:
And the beach hangouts
And the worship
And everyone at students
And the crazy dancing
Laurence being Laurence

Each one of these events is worth a blog entry on its own… and long entries at that.
But it strikes me that either a) you who read this will have been part of events or b) I will be seeing or talking to you soon, and you can get the full story from me in person.

Actually, there's a third category: c) you're in New Zealand.
And if that's the case - next time we end up in the same part of the world - you have the right to sit me down over a cup of coffee (Hopefully I can shout you one) and say, “James, what's this about the Tequilla shots?�…
And we'll laugh. And I'll tell you.
I'm sure I'll still remember.

Actually the Tequilla shots isn't such a big story… Its more what I think it meant to Joel and Tina…

Oh yeah, in case I haven't told you, I have started drinking again since finishing university.
All of my reasons, and they are good reasons, vanished when I left university.

But I digress.
I think that's probably the sign of a lightened spirit.
Although I didn't describe each of the events as I listed them, I relived them in my mind, retold them to myself. To get the list I had to sift back through the past few months, putting things in order… rummaging around, sorting.
Its funny how “telling� our stories helps - even if its just to ourselves.
Maybe it gives us perspective. Maybe it helps us understand, on some level, that we're part of a greater story… and that this was just the closing of one chapter.
And that the characters and scenes are not gone forever,
And that the plotlines are not finished.

I don't think I'll ever be “free� of London. Like Hong Kong it's part of me now. I'm sure that sometime, sooner or later, I will end up back in London.

I remember sitting at the coffee table at Jules and Eric's with Christina. I was copying her out the lyrics to some of my songs.
Leaving was very much on our minds. Both of us had been packing.
She remarked that it was very windy that day. That it seemed colder.

“Maybe summer is coming to an end� I said.

And we both felt the weight of that statement.

Its how I've been feeling about leaving London.
But as we begin our descent into Hong Kong, I can't help but correct myself.
Even if Summer is coming to an end
The story is not over
And will only grow richer
And who knows how we all, as living memories, still very much a part of each other's lives
Will be involved…

Because this is a new beginning.
The next chapter.

P.S. I'm safely back in Hong Kong!
I'll keep you all posted.