On Monday night at the Melton Mowbray, the Four Stooges defeated all contenders to win the £80 top prize! In usual 'ironic' style, there were six of us in the team.

This means that the [insert a number between one and six, or the word 'magnificent' if there are seven in the team] Stooges have now taken on and defeated the following Monday night pub quizzes:

The Oxford Arms in Camden. Prize is £15, plus everyone taking part gets free sausage, beans and chips! Unfortunately it doesn't start until about 9:30, and more importantly doesn't finish until 11:30. On a school night...! Despite the fact that we went there nearly every week for six months, Pat, the 'character' who runs the pub, still did not recognise us. Watch out for the opportunity to win a 'free pint of water'.

Molly O'Gradys in Victoria station wins the prize for the worst pub quiz ever (and its venue above Victoria station means it's not winning too many prizes for situation either). Twenty - yes, count them - twenty questions flashed up on the screens in the pub. All the questions were ridiculously difficult questions on football players, mapping out their playing careers. So they went something like, 'This player began his career in 1948 with Rotherham, before moving on to the Trotters in 1952. A knee injury sadly curtailed his career in 1957'. We scored a massive 4 out of 20 and won. Sadly, we won £20 which had to be spent behind the bar. I say 'sadly', as that meant we were forced to stay there to use up the prize. In the end we told them to keep the change.

Ryan's Bar in Blackfriars. The prize has been steadily decreasing. The first time we went, the four of us were given a bottle of champagne, plus vouchers for a meal each and two bottles of house wine between the four of us on the next quiz night. On that next night, we ordered the most expensive thing on the menu (of course), which was the steak at £6.95 (at that price we smelt a rat, and as it turned out, rat could easily have been the meat used). Only joking of course. This pub quiz is one of our favourites, but only two or three teams ever turn up, so come on the last Monday of every month and take us on. As we keep winning, the barman has threatened to bar us from the pub on no fewer than five occasions. The prize is now down to just the meals (they now do some delicious pies and mash) and one bottle of house wine. Still worth having though.

Bell and Compass in Charing Cross. We won a small monetary prize. Has too many questions on R&B and Hip Hop music, but somehow we were still in the hunt for that first place despite that collective gap in our knowledge. At the end we were level on points with another team. There's only one way to decide between teams in this situation - a dance-off. One person from each team had to get up at the front of the pub and do a dance. The other team went first and a very funky black man got up and did a very good and particularly funky dance. The pressure was on. So we selected Cabin to do our dance. He performed his patented dance to MC Hammer 'U Can't Touch This'. The crowd went wild. Everyone was in hysterics. Victory to the Stooges. Plus Cabin was given a certificate proclaiming that he was the best dancer ever seen at the Bell and Compass.

And now the Melton Mowbray. The only quiz we've had to pay to enter, and the standard is very high. The first time we went to the pub, we were sitting in the main pub waiting for the quiz to start. We began wondering why it was running so late. Then one of us had to use the facilities which were downstairs. That's when we found the function room downstairs. The quiz was halfway through. The next time we went there we got the wrong Monday of the month. Now we've finally worked out the calendar and know to go downstairs, we've picked up the biggest prize so far in our distinguished quiz careers.