Well, happy new year to all reading this. I.pray yours began in a really different way to mine.  I went to the prayer party at HTB and it was good.  I put on a happy face, praised the Lord and attempted to try and supercede the pain and confusion that was really beneath the brave exterior.  This got me thinking.

I thought how it was so easy to pretend that everything was ok.  How easy it was to believe that by closing your eyes and focusing on God, your freshly shattered world would all be ok again when your eyes reopened.  You know what , for a moment it was.  For a moment it was just Him and me and everyone interceding for the year ahead and taking it by force... then it was over.

The rest of my thoughts are to do with Christian relationships - particulalrly boy-girl relationships.  I find that it is very easy for people to believe that christian relationships should be a lot easier and should just be all smiles and sugar and blessings. 
That when we're in a relationship we will never argue, never have to compensate to fit the other person into our life, never have hard times and never have to talk to sort stuff out.

It is so easy to talk about other peoples relationships the way that we perceive them to be - perfect - and we think that if there is one small thing (which incidentally we neglect to talk about with our partner) then that's it. 

My take is slightly different.  My take is this - as a christian your relationship is going to be that much harder because a successful one means many more  little christians ruinning around for the devil to contend with!  It means broken communication lines because should we actually get to talk to each other heart-to-heart we realise that we love each other and have done all along.  We realise that in this relationship more than any other secular one - we need to pray constantly and talk openly.  We need to fight for what we believe God is doing and where he is taking us.

None of the relationships are perfect.  If people could tell you what went on with them at other times (admittedly not ALL the time) we may begin to realise that as people we need to talk.  That a misunderstanding, or something that dirves you up the wall needs to be communicated.  Not so the person may change but that they know how better to show you the love they have for you as you are. 
Relationships mean a bit of compensation on each part.. but how can you compensate for what you don't know?  Relationships are give and take!!


Why do we feel that revealing our weaknesses means that we are bad people or that we are instantly unlovable?  As christians we aren't perfect and we need to realise with each other.
I know that I sometimes forget that.  I am certainly guilty of that and I only offer it up in prayer and attempt to walk it out better.

Just the other night I prayed and gave all my past relational hurts up to the Lord.  I did it because he opened my eyes and showed me that expecting someone you care so much about to repeat someone elses mistakes of the past was neither fair nor honouring to them, or our relationship.  I let that go and I realised how much love I had for that person and had been holding back.  
I gave it all over to God and I felt a new level of trust and openness towards my relationship.  A significant step for me (and so I thought - for us)!

I realise that above all else you have to truat and let barriers down and talk honestly.  I believe that getting prayer as a couple is good, but you need to first have talked, just the 2 of you. to understand what it is that you find hard then give that over, together, as a couple.  Only then do I believe prayer over a couple will work, when both know where they stand together.

I don't know.  I just needed to write some stuff down - some here and some in a letter. 

Maybe the real heart of who I am (not who I am perceived to be) will be seen somewhere in these words... 

Maybe one day I will be asked my side and my point of view... 

Maybe one day I wil be one heart talking to another as it should have been a few days ago...

Maybe one day...