I started running away at a very early age. I ran to a world where toys could talk, fairies existed and where I assumed the title of ‘Princess’.  My mum remembers frequent occasions when she would see me pottering around talking animatedly with myself.  As she put it, ‘It all seemed so real to you’. 

Books fuelled my imagination and provided another way of escape.  There was rarely a morning that didn’t see me eating breakfast with a novel in my hand completely oblivious to my family and the occasional amused guest.

As I grew older I began to use my imagination as a way of coping with feelings of anger, frustration, loneliness and even just boredom.  I found it so much easier to run away rather than confront my emotions. 

At university this pattern continued.  Academic struggles, relationships issues, fear of the future – they all provided opportunities for me to hop on a train home where I would spend the weekend escaping through books and films.  Anything to avoid facing reality and confronting my overwhelming emotions.

During this time I discovered a verse which really struck me, ‘… he who chases fantasies lacks judgement.’ (Proverbs12:11)  I began to understand that although my escapism appeared to help me cope in the short-term, it’s long-term effects were not good.

After a year of living in London I started dating a guy.  When it ended my gut instinct was again to do what I’d always done – run home and spend the weekend ignoring and avoiding the hurt that I was feeling.  Only this time I couldn’t.  My parents had just gone away on an extended holiday.  God, it appeared, had other plans.  Whilst nothing particularly amazing happened during that time, I did take the first step in my journey towards change: I stayed.  Admittedly not by my choice, but I stayed nonetheless.  

A few months later I was facing another tough time and the familiar feelings of panic and fear began to surface.  Yet one night as I lay unable to sleep, a thought came into my mind: God is your rock.  It was strangely calming.  Over the next few days this phrase seemed to keep coming up and one verse in the Psalms particularly struck me:
            ‘… my God is the mighty rock where I hide.’ (Psalm 94:22)
The more I thought about this unusual description of God, I more I realised how relevant it was for my situation.  In Hebrew the word for rock, sur, can have several meanings – a rocky wall, boulder, rocky hill or mountain.  All of which imply something larger than your typical rookery decoration.
So why is God described as the Rock?  Here are some thoughts I had:

·        Rocks are unchanging – they remain the same regardless of their environment.  Rain, sun, wind – rocks stay constant.
God says of Himself, ‘I the LORD do not change…’ (Malachi 3:6)

·        Rocks provide perspective – climb on a large boulder or rocky hillside and your perspective changes.  Things on the ground seem smaller.
By running to God, we start to see things from his point of view, ‘”For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the LORD.’ (Isaiah 55:8)

·        Rocks offer protection – a city on a cliff or hill is much easier to defend than one built on a plain or in a valley.
David, who spent much of his early career running from his enemies and who later became a brilliant military strategist, understood this and described God as his ‘…rock of refuge, a strong fortress…’  (Psalm 31:2) 

·        Rocks make for a good foundation – they are solid, unmoving and can be relied upon not to give way.
In the same way, God provides a solid foundation for us to build our lives on. One of my favourite verses is in Psalm 40:
‘I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.  He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire [which all other foundations inevitably become]; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand.’ (v.2)

It’s taking time, but I'm gradually coming to realise that I no longer need to run away from my feelings and emotions.  Instead, in the middle of the storm, God is teaching me to pray the prayer of David,
‘I call as my heart grows faint; lead me to the rock that is higher than I.’ (Psalm 62:2)